


Jonghyun Never Stops Singing

by stardustvx



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Kinda, they are a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22305418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustvx/pseuds/stardustvx
Summary: It's too quiet. And then it's not.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 38





	Jonghyun Never Stops Singing

**Author's Note:**

> It's a vent fic. It's sad, but not really. I want to call it hopeful. So please, consider that before reading. 
> 
> I got this idea a long time ago after the From Now On concert when I was having a bad day and this one bird wouldn't stop singing. I only recently wrote it because it has been stuck in my head and I had to get it out and decided to share. 
> 
> Also please do keep in mind that English is not my first language.

_Before_

The very first thing Taemin learns after meeting Jonghyun for the first time is that the boy never stops singing. Jonghyun is sitting on a chair opposite him. His eyes are half-closed, he has his earphones on and he is humming quietly along with the song he is listening. His fingers are drumming the beat on the table between them.

They are sitting in a meeting room, waiting for someone but Taemin isn't sure who. Apart from Jonghyun, it’s quiet and it makes Taemin feel unsettled. In the room are only him, five empty chairs, Jonghyun and a man who introduced himself as their manager.

Otherwise, the room is mostly empty. There is the table and on top of it is a pack of paper cups and managers folder. Next to the door is a pile of foldable plastic chairs and a cardboard box that has ”fragile” written on it with big bold letters. Then there is a window with a beautiful view of the wall of the building next door.

Taemin feels out of place, sitting there in his school uniform and not knowing what to do with his hands. (He lets them just sit on his lap.) Jonghyun is older than him and looks exactly like he belongs there. Not just in the meeting rooms talking about music but doing it, music. He looks like someone who knows what he is doing, someone who belongs behind the microphone. He looks like someone who is made to do music. His _own_ music. 

\- 

His soon to be debuting group is nice Taemin decides. It's way too early in the morning and Kibum looks already exactly like he walked out of fashion magazine. And not just any page but from the cover, not that Taemin knows much about fashion. They haven't lived in the dorm for that long time yet but Kibum walks around it as it has always been his. He opens the cabinets knowing exactly where everything is and Taemin smiles to his cereal. It feels homey.

The radio is on but it's barely audible so they don't wake up Minho and Jinki who are blessed with not so early morning. Jonghyun who sits next to him looks like he is asleep but he is humming along to the radio. Every now and then opening his eyes to stare at the bottom of his empty coffee cup.

The coffee machine peeps and not so long after Kibum fills his own cup and Jonghyun’s cup again with steaming hot coffee. Then he puts a plate in front of him and tells the older boy to eat. Jonghyun nods and drinks a half cup in one go when the song ends and the next one has yet to start. One look from the Kibum makes Taemin start eating his breakfast faster too.

Less than a half an hour later Minho comes crawling out of his bedroom, clearly woken up by the smell of fresh coffee. He yawns when he sits next to Taemin. Kibum pours him a cup and slides it to him across the table. It feels homey and he likes it, Taemin thinks. Jonghyun turns the radio _louder_ and they all sing along.

\- 

One night Jinki finds Taemin in the practice room, still dancing. The older watches him, he can see it through the mirror but he doesn’t stop. This is what he knows, how to dance until everything turns blurry and all he can hear is his blood flowing through his veins. Expect Jinki stops the music and gently makes him sit to the floor. He gives him a water bottle and Taemin drinks it.

Jinki doesn’t _ask_ but there is the question in his eyes. Taemin tells him.

After his group learns why he rather spends his time in the practice room than in school, they understand. Of course, they do. Taemin isn’t sure why he ever thought otherwise. The next morning they walk him to school and after that as often as possible.

Sometimes Taemin feels like crying, mostly because he embarrassed but also because he is so thankful, but he never does cry. Somehow Kibum always knows when he is feeling like that. Then he holds gently his hand while they walk and Taemin lets him.

Jonghyun is walking in front of him, singing. Not humming quietly like he so often does but singing. The streets are filled with people in a hurry, too busy to pay attention to them. To pay attention to singing Jonghyun. Nevertheless, the older is smiling brightly.

He is wrong, he realizes when they are waiting for the streetlight to turn green. There is an old lady next to them who claps her hands enthusiastically after Jonghyun finishes. He smiles and bows to her. There are and there will always be people who will pay attention to them, as long as they keep singing enough long to find them. Taemin knows, this is what his hyung is meant to do. Sing.

\- 

They had just come back to the dorm after a late-night practice. They are all tired and Kibum is already dozing off on the couch. Jinki is trying to get him up, to go shower and then bed. Minho is staring at the empty refrigerator with a frown. They are all hungry but breakfast time is only a few hours away. Taemin drinks the glass of water someone gave him a while ago. He sighs, this is _home_.

The water stops running for a moment in the shower and they all can hear Jonghyun singing. Kibum doesn’t open his eyes but sits up as Minho throws a water bottle to his direction and it hits his side. Two mouth fulls of water later he asks what the time is. It's past three in the morning.

The water starts running again. Jonghyun's voice becomes muffled too. Minho stretches and yawns loudly. When the other walks past him, he pats Taemin on the shoulder. You worked hard today, Minho tells him and he nods. Hoping his facial expression is telling the same to Minho.

The water stops again and no long after the bathroom door opens. Minho goes in when Jonghyun comes out. The older is wearing baby blue colored pajamas and drying his hair with a towel. He is still singing. Taemin hopes he never stops. 

\- 

The manager is speaking. He scolds everyone apart from Jinki who sits at the front with him for not listening. Even though they are listening or at least they are trying to. Late-night practices and early mornings are getting on them. They are going to debut and the day has been decided.

The car is speeding after the light changes to green and then it turns to left. Minho and Kibum are arguing next to him and Taemin turns to look at them instead of the blurry view of the city behind the window. It makes him feel nauseous. For whatever reason, he feels like he isn't supposed to be here.

He catches Minho's eyes over Kibum's shoulder. He stops talking and Kibum goes quiet too, turning to look at him. There is a worry in his eyes and he raises his hand to Taemin's cheek. Their manager stops talking too and then the whole car goes quiet. Oh, he is crying, he realizes.

Jonghyun who sits alone at the back of the van has his earphones on and is hummin along. He too looks up and slowly takes his earphones off. Asking what's happening. No one gives him an answer because no one knows. Even Taemin doesn’t know. He has always dreamed of being here where he is now. And now that he is here, he doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Then the manager's phone starts ringing and Kibum wipes his tears away and gently holds his hand. Jonghyun rips his earphones off from his phone and the song fills the van. They sing along together and Taemin knows. This is what he wants to do. Sing. _Together_.

\- 

They had a day off to gather some energy their manager had said. Then he had closed the practice room door in front of Taemin’s face and told him to go back to the dorm. So Taemin had danced in their shared dorm room when Jonghyun was out. Dancing usually helps but today there is just too much energy flowing through his veins. He is reckless but he doesn't know why. Kibum had already told him to go sleep hours ago and turned the lights off. He stares the dark ceiling when sleep doesn’t find its way to him.

He is finally almost asleep when the door opens. He barely blinks when Jonghyun sneaks in. The older looks at him and apologizes for waking him up. He tells him that he hadn't even slept yet. Jonghyun frowns at his remark but doesn't say anything. No one understands sleepless nights better than Jonghyun does, Taemin thinks.

Little later Jonghyun has showered and tucked himself under the blanket. He had opened the curtains just the tiniest amount so that they can see the moon shining on the dark sky. Jonghyun asks Taemin about his day, what he did and did he have a nice day off. He answers something like _yes_ and listens to the older talk about his mother and sister. Even though it is dark he can almost see the stars in Jonghyun’s eyes. Taemin makes mental note to call home soon. 

And then he is again told to sleep. Jonghyun sings to him, so gently and quietly that Taemin can barely hear. Taemin thinks, this is why hyung wants to sing. Then he falls into sleep, dreamless and soft.

\- 

They are at the backstage. They are all nervous, everyone can see it. Kibum is walking a circle on the floor and Minho is staring at him, trying to make him stop without saying it. Jonghyun sits on the couch, warming up his voice. Jinki stands close to the door looking at them, or at least he thinks he is looking at them. His gaze feels distant but he is smiling. And Taemin sits in the middle of the chaos that the room is, not knowing what to do.

Someone opens the door, tells them to move. Their manager is yelling and someone is yelling back at him. Everything is a mess, even bigger than it was before. No one knows where Kibum's microphone is and Minho's makeup isn't finished. Jinki is still smiling, awkwardly, clearly not knowing what to do but still trying his best. Taemin is so glad he is their leader. If it had been anyone else of them everything would have probably fallen apart already.

Then they are on the stage. His body is moving to the music on its own. He isn't sure is the audience completely quiet or are they screaming. He cannot focus on them because the stage-lights are so bright and he must move. The feeling is so overwhelming, so spectacular that if someone asks, he will not be able to explain it. There are no words for the feeling. This is what he wants to do.

From the corner of his eye, he sees his group. They belong there, on the stage, thinks. Jonghyun in the middle of them is glowing. He is _singing_. He belongs there.

_After_

Taemin sits on the table, looking at Kibum who walks around the kitchen. Everything he does, his steps and his moves, are automatic. He fills the teapot, automatically, barely thinking about it. He is barely there. Taemin worries that he is going to burn himself with all the hot pots and pans around him but doesn't dare to say anything.

The kitchen is quiet, too quiet. It's been quiet for a while now. Taemin isn't a child anymore but Kibum insists on making him breakfast every morning again. There was a time when he didn't do it anymore but he started again. And who is Taemin to tell him _no_?

He gets startled back to reality from his thoughts when Kibum drops the chopsticks he is holding on his hand. The older just stands there not bothering to pick them up. He stares at the refrigerator, mouth slightly opened, a surprised look on his face.

"Do you hear that?" Kibum eventually asks him.

He isn't sure what the other means. _No_ , he shakes his head when the older turns to look at him. Kibum's eyes are watery, he isn't exactly crying nor does he look sad. Kibum looks, tired. Then he hears it too. It's a quiet hum, barely there. He can't even hear it if he doesn't focus on it.

They look at each other, knowing exactly what it sounds like. The refrigerator keeps humming quietly and Kibum smiles small, barely-there smile. But it's enough there and Taemin smiles to him back. Kibum sits next to him and gently reaches for his hand. They sit there together, just listening.

It sounds like a normal morning. Like someone is quietly humming to a song. It sounds like Jonghyun.

\- 

Taemin feels as empty as their dorm looks like. He is sitting on the couch in the completely dark living room. There is only the sliver of light from the streetlamp, pushing its way through the half-closed curtains. It’s raining. The water hitting the windowsill sounds like a gentle drumbeat.

His phone beeps and the screen flashes brightly on the table in front of him. He stares it until the screen turns black again and only then reaches for it. First, he is blinded by the brightness and just stares. When his eyes get used to the light he clicks the new message. It’s from Minho. _Have you eaten yet?_ The message asks. _No_ , he types back. 

Half an hour later Taemin hears car parking on the street below. There is a loud thump when the car door is closed. After that comes quieter thump and he turns to look at the window. Taemin stares, he is quite sure it’s a bird that flew to the window. It’s dark and he can’t see clearly but he is unable to get up from the couch. Then he hears the front door opening and he forgets the whole bird. Minho comes inside soaking wet after the rain, holding takeaway boxes on his hand.

They sit together in the dark, quietly eating. Minho doesn’t look bothered by the silence but Taemin feels like he should say something. He just doesn’t know what and how to, so he stays quiet. At least the dorm doesn’t feel so empty anymore, he thinks. The silence feels unfamiliar but this is the new reality. There it’s quiet often.

When they finish eating they just leave the empty takeaway boxes to the table. Minho gets up and goes to the kitchen, looking for water. Taemin gets up too and turns on the lights. There is a quiet knock on the window when he is about to fully close the curtains. On the windowsill sits a small bird, happily flapping its wings despite the rain.

Taemin let’s go a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. It’s not quiet, someone is singing again. The small bird is looking at him and it’s singing.

\- 

They are sitting in the car and their manager is driving. The sun is barely up but the streets are as busy as always. Taemin sits at the front and he looks at the manager who doesn’t move his gaze from the road. He is quiet, barely moving. He just drives, knowing the route by heart.

Taemin looks at his members at the backseat through the mirror. Jinki is asleep, or at least he has his eyes closed. Minho stares out of the window, not focusing on anything he sees. Kibum sits on the middle seat. He is holding a magazine on his hands but Taemin knows he isn't actually reading it. He hasn't turned the page in the past ten minutes and he is just staring in front of him.

The car feels too small and there isn't enough space for him to breathe. But at the same time, he feels like the other's are too far away for him to reach. He tries to focus on inhaling and exhaling but it feels like the air gets caught on his lungs. The view is moving too fast and all he sees is a blurry image of the street. Then there is hand on his shoulder, asking.

 _It's too quiet_ , he tells them.

Their manager moves and puts on the radio. The world that he didn't even realize was spinning, slowly stops. He breathes deeply in and the pressure on his lungs eases. The melody is familiar, he recognizes it immediately. All of them do.

It's Jonghyun. Of course, it's Jonghyun.

\- 

The weather is chilly but not too cold. It’s barely afternoon and the streets are mostly empty. Taemin is walking aimlessly through the neighborhood. The few people he sees are all either elderly or young kids. Every time he runs to dog walker he politely asks them for permission to pet their dog. He misses his own dogs but they are back home with his parents and home is so far away.

He smiles at a small white poodle who doesn’t want to let him go. When he stands up, bows as thank you for the older woman walking it, the dog stubbornly sits on the place and looks at him with big sad eyes. He pets it once more before continuing his walk.

The sky is cloudy and Taemin is glad it’s not raining. It’s been raining a lot lately. Even though who can blame the sky for crying. He is really thankful for it. It makes him feel like the whole world understands.

He turns around a corner and almost gets hit by a lost basketball. He catches it and looks for its owner. Nearby are four young girls who are looking nervously at him. He raises the basketball as a question and one of the girls’ nods. He throws it to them and the girls giggle, probably recognizing him. Taemin waves at them as he continues walking and the girls wave back at him. He can hear the basketball hitting the ground behind him, one of the girls screams. Then there is laughter.

He is almost at the next corner when he hears it and he has to stop because he is sure he heard wrong. He stands there and just listens. He heard right, the girls are singing. He smiles.

 _”_ _누난_ _너무_ _예뻐서_ _남자들이_ _가만_ _안_ _둬_ _  
_ _흔들리는_ _그녀의_ _맘_ _사실_ _알고_ _있어_ _…”_

\- 

Taemin is quietly counting and some more powerful steps against the floor make a sound. Otherwise, the practice room is unusually quiet. Music isn’t roaring through the speakers, filling every corner of the room. He isn’t sure why neither of them put the music on, why do they just count the right beat.

They go through the choreography two more times and then they take a water break. Kibum sits, leaning against the mirror and sighs. He is about to continue but the older gently pats the place next to him and Taemin sits down too. He lies down letting his head fall onto the other’s lap. It’s just like when they were young.

They talk about everything except _that_. Neither of them knows how to say it aloud. They are both afraid that if they say it, it becomes true. They talk about the past. Kibum laughs and Taemin thinks he looks, not happier but better. He looks calmer, the world no longer seems to hang so heavily on his shoulders.

Kibum looks brighter today and Taemin hopes in time, he will look like that all the time. And he would too, all of them. He hopes that in time, they all will be as okay as they can. He looks at Kibum and when their eyes meet he smiles.

Kibum asks what he is thinking and Taemin tells him.

The older smiles at him and gently strokes his hair. Taemin closes his eyes, he feels calm too. Today is a good day he decides. Kibum starts singing. It’s quiet, barely a whisper but there.

-

It’s a cold night but Taemin has to get out of the dorm. The walls are too close, the lights are too bright and it’s too _quiet_. He feels like he can’t breathe. The cold breeze makes him wrap the jacket more tightly around him. He should have brought a scarf but he left so quickly and he doesn’t feel like going back. So instead he runs.

He sits by the Han river. The water looks black and dangerous at this late hour. He can hear the cars but compared to the day it’s rather quiet. Taemin doesn’t like silence, not anymore. His hands are freezing and the cold air makes his eyes watery.

”Taemin!”

His name is shouted two more times until his brain registers it. That’s _his_ name being shouted. He barely has time to look up from the river and then there are hands around him. Someone is yelling and punches him not so gently to his side, _Kibum_. Then there is another pair of hands that are gently wrapping a scarf around his neck, _Jinki_. He loses his balance and they all fall into one huge pile of limps to the ground.

Kibum is crying and Taemin isn’t exactly sure why. _He worries about you_ , Jinki tells him. Then he looks at both of them, smiling faintly, and helps them get up from the cold ground. They sit to the nearby bench and this time it’s Taemin who wipes Kibum’s tears away and not the other way around. Kibum doesn’t let go of his hand.

Minho comes running, bringing along four cups of hot chocolate. They sit and drink in silence, and it’s okay. It’s not suffocating. They sit sides pressed to each other, Taemin can hear all of them breathing. He can feel Kibum’s heartbeat under his fingers.

Minho points at the sky. It’s cloudless and lighted up by full moon looking back at them. The cold wind howling around them sounds like a song sung in secret. Taemin doesn’t feel so cold anymore. He is home. This is his _family_.

\- 

They are standing on the stage. Taemin feels like his heart is going to burst by how many emotions it’s trying to hold inside at the same time. This is where he belongs. The stadium is full. For a moment he was afraid it would be empty. But it’s full and so is his heart. He sings.

Time flows by way too fast, he doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t want to leave the stage. When he stands there he feels like everything that happened was just a bad dream. There it is not quiet.

Taemin knows his eyes are watery but he feels so warm. He looks at his member and tries to smile at them. he isn’t sure does he success but at that moment it doesn’t matter. This is what they are supposed to do, he thinks as his body moves to the music.

He can hear Jonghyun’s voice through the speakers. Even if he can’t see him, he is there. There is a place on the stage for him and no matter the tears Taemin feels calm. His hyung will always be there. And Taemin sings too and tries to look at every single person who came here for them. Tries to tell them, we are not alone, _you are not alone_.

They are standing on the stage. They are all there, all five of them. Things will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in a long time and shared anything in even longer. I was quite terrified to post this because this fic is my children. I gave it my blood, tears, sleeping hours and math grade so please do leave kudos and comment if you would like to.


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